Another Day, Another Vision, Ripping My Soul Apart....

It's worse today. After much consideration, my grandma finally agreed to let one of my best friends, Alex, move in. The only problem is...

I can't feel the happiness!!!
There's nothing in there! Not a fucking thing!
I can't feel happiness, I can't feel sadness anymore. I feel like my mind is reverting to living off logic. No more emotion, no more anything.

I don't know if this can be reversed, if it's temporary or what. All I know is that I actually feel like I'm dying on the inside. No more can I even feel my heart beat pulsing blood in my veins. I lay every finger I have on my wrists but there's no beating. I can see my body growing more and more pale every day and I keep hearing those damned noises. Machinery running, people talking, music I've never even fucking heard running all around me. These noises are infiltrating and making home of my ravaged head.

I'm gonna fucking lose it in this stupid place! Not even my most sacred of things, my music, is healing anymore. They're just dead beats, ended notes. There's energy in this body still, but how long till it's gone and I'm left stuck in the dark with no way out?

This happened once before. I started seeing things, what I believed to be spirits. A while back I started sensing things, some of which I believed to be angels, some of which I believed to be demons. I don't know about it though. A very sketchy thing. But my parents were of spiritual descent, leading me to believe that I may have inherited some sort of trait. My grandma and my mother had it, they were of the Sisk side of the family, the side with the traits, so I can easily be left to believe that I've picked up one more of these traits. I already have the ability to sense angels and demons around, but now I can hear spirits too?

I don't think I can handle this kind of situation! I'm already driven to madness from my own childhood, it rotting my mind and corroding it, but now I'm to be haunted and driven even further into my insanity?? This is almost too much. Am I possessed? Am I just losing my mind? What the hell is going on anymore??

Disruption and Violence

Things are getting bad. I'm pretty sure I'm slowly losing my mind in this place. Last night, I leaving one of my good friends a text telling her I was going to bed. While I was typing though, I heard something. Bells. Like bell bells. Not church bells but bells in a band. They were playing what sounded like a lullaby. I could hear people talking amongst it. I didn't recognize any of the voices but the song sounded kinda familiar. I finished texting and the sounds subsided but it only gets weirder. I started tearing up and almost cried for no reason. I couldn't contain myself, I openly wept for no reason at all. Once I slowed my tears though, I gained a mysterious bloodlust. This was beyond anything any of my depressions spawned before, and truthfully, it terrified me. I needed blood! Even just to see death and chaos would subside the strange beast within. Turning on my Xbox and actually playing it for the first time in weeks, I played Gears of War for about 4 hours. I made it to wave 40 before my fury ended and I could go to bed. Somethings very wrong with me, I don't think the depression stages are doing this anymore, I think I'm actually starting to lose grip of my mind. I hope this doesn't continue, I really don't plan to spend my future in the psycho ward...

Mindset of Corruption

Mindset of Corruption

By Cory L.W. Clark

Everything ends

Sometimes in ravage

~Ruin~

Walking the darkened fields

No fear of seeing this blood on the ground

~Pain~

Every step forward into the moonlight

More blood crawling up my legs

~Death~

Every day brings forth the corruption

Can't keep control

Over my corroded soul

Telling me that which is wrong

Knowing it's false morals and ethics

Forced obedience of dead rules

Tinting my vision

A cold, blood red

~Hate~

Reversing my mind

Resetting my thoughts

~Control~

Open my eyes one last time

To see the world as I know it isn't

~Obedience~

I've been traced, followed

By a reaper's taint

To see the darkness taking over

Sheathing the heart in it's pain

Seeing the world again in blood

Seeing my friends as my enemies

What's dark is light

What's light is dark

~Entropy~

Blood seeping from my clutched hands

The sacred blood what I once held dear

~Chaos~

Seeing the end of my world

Making way for the vision of chaos

~Torment~

Push my blade against the heads of my friends

Seeing their end

For my mind told me to

It isn't what it once was

The only thing remaining

Is a faint memory

Of a light that is no more

Dark echoes of an ended life

Sonic blasts of a dead sight

~Madness~

Seeing what kept me alive

Leaving me behind now

~Abandonment~

Just my dead body walking onwards

Nobody wants to be with the corrupted

~Loneliness~

Beg for my liberation

Set me free from my prison

Blind torture of my ravaged soul

I can't even see my pain anymore

Making my mind weakened

To everything evil and hellish

Jump at the smallest shadows

Seeing creatures unknown, tricks of the mind

~Slaughter~

Cleaving the innocent apart

Not knowing any better anymore

~Fury~

Thinking your intent as black as mine

Ending you before you hurt me

~Panic~

I can't help my urges anymore

Every blind move hurts the beautiful

Ending a perfect world

One blood covered step at a time

Nobody stops this corruption from taking over

Nobody can listen, nobody can live

Let nobody interfere

Let the plague consume

~Weakness~

It devours your innocence

Leaving a hated creature in it's wake

~Corruption~

Another cold, bloody soldier

Left to destroy heaven's land for dark reason

~Savagery~

What once was the heart of the enlightened

Is a heart of dark intent

No reason to demolish a once perfect land

This creature roams without reasoning

No morales left to guide it's dead mind

No friends to call it's own

Shredding apart it's comrades in fear

Afraid of every and all

Be you a friend or an enemy inside

I destroy it all, letting the darkness

Instruct my path of fury

Guide me to what I now see

As a perfect world of my own

Nobody to betray me

Nobody to threaten me

Nobody to hate me

Nobody to kill me

Nobody's left

Just remnants of my fragmented mind

A bloodstained world

I made with my black hands

Out of my fear and paranoia

Now I will walk with my scythe in hand

Venture the fallen land

Seeking any that survived my rage

To forever secure myself

My dead soul, heart, and body

Trapped

In my mindset of corruption

~Armageddon~

Dreams of the Strong

Dreams of the Strong

By:Cory L.W. Clark

Pain lives with us all

Darkness never ends

Eternal dream of hell

Ending minds

Ending lives

For the weak that is

Life brings out the worst

That this world can bring

Those weakened minds

That can't handle the pressure

That can't figure out the game

They think they can't win

So they give up trying

You only get one chance

And here you are abandoning it?

We see the blood of our kin

Decorating not our floors

But our minds as well

Because they gave up too soon

They're blind to think that life is set on easy

They're idiots to think they won't come across

A few enemies ahead

They're scared of the challenge

They can't stand seeing their world ending

But when you see your own hell

Do you just turn away?

Only to find yourself forced in

Without a hope of escape

Weak-willed fools

Even looking for a shortcut

Is sin enough

Those that have seen their worlds collapse

And stand strong

Laughing at the challenge

That life brings

And even beg for more

They are masters of their fates!

They are the strong

That try every day

To tell the others to keep trying

Instead of keep dying

Hate devours the mind

Corruption eats the soul

Pain changes the heart

But when you push all of it aside

Dead or not inside

When you're taking the hits

And still guiding the others

Back to base

Without a fear of death

Without fear of getting caught further in your hell

Accepting the challenge that is life

You appreciate your last life

Knowing that should you sacrifice your life

It's for the hundreds that you save

The cannon fodder you see today

For the ethereal scythe

Will be the soldiers that fight death

With their strength and their power

Making their victories in honor

Of your fallen self

The strongest tanks

The toughest steel

Isn't made easy

It's made from the iron souls

Forged in the fire of hell

Hotter the fire, better the steel

When it comes out ready for war

It's confident, surviving, and willing

It survived it's trial

Endured life

We did not spend our time in hell

To see our efforts wasted!

We will fight for the ones

That let death take control

They mistake this threat

And let it destroy them

Not realizing their error

Until they look at their mistake

And though the darkness is eternal

We can fight ever harder

To make our fight worth it

Worth every battle with this corruption

Every soldier sees his end

Every tank is destroyed

Sooner or later

But when we fought our hardest

And when we look back finally

To see all that we've done

We walk out of our hells

Holding the hand of death

Knowing our time is up

We accept our fates

Knowing that we took no shortcuts

We never gave up

And we saved the dreams of the hopeless

To make recruits to carry on our legacy

To see honor brought to our graves

We die without regret

Remorse

Or anguish

Knowing that we emerged victorious

Never letting go

Of the Dreams of the Strong

Hall of Dead Friends....

Hall of Dead Friends Damned Forever

By Cory L.W. Clark

Walking down this accursed path

Lit by dead lights that offer no hope

The world above me

Seen as guillotines above my head

I wait for my world to come down on me

The floor is a perfect mirror

That I see my own self in

All of it blackened and cold to step on

On the walls of this broken hallway

Mirrors lined up one by one

Showing the reflections of my friends

Some of them are pure and bright

Some of them cracked and fallen

Their broken glass litters the floor

That corrodes the mirror of myself below

Where I step on them

The pain of what remains of their friendship

Stays forever, their pain can't be undone

Their damage dealt, the pain reigns supreme

Over my decimated mind...

I look over my shoulder to see the darkness behind me

My deathly past of shattered mirrors

I can only keep walking until I reach the end

Will my world crash down on me?

Or will I walk on this broken glass

This broken friendship

Forever onwards

Every step further is another step

Into my darkness, corruption

I see the reflections of my betrayers

The reflection of friends never meant to be

I conjure what little energy remains

Regenerate my morals one more time

I slam my fist against it's shining surface

Leave cracks and let the pieces fall

Break the mirror I once wished to see

And to see hope and light falsified

Brings me to tears more

Than the pain of traversing the pain

Of twisted friendships that ended

So abruptly, so painfully....

I see the end now, one grand mirror

Who will fill it's spot inside me?

It's showed me my false hope hundreds of times

Only to leave a grand crack

A chasm taking up the space left for my hope

It's stealing life and adding to my hate

It's sealing my mind and my blackened fate

I journey back down the hall of broken mirrors

Push through the darkness searching

For the shards of 1,000 broken mirrors

Of broken friendships

Of that which has failed me and left me in pain

To help heal the lightbringer

The grand mirror

And push together

A little hope for this ended mind.

I try so hard to rebuild my lovely lifegiver

But nobody can take the spot of this mirror yet

They've tried and left their mark of failure

Pressing my face against it's cold, faded glass

Letting my tears run down it's dead stare back at me

Begging for this one mirror to finally have an angel inside

To look at me with the purest smile

And let me know that this mirror will never break

Let me know that these guillotines above my head

Will never fall for me

Still this mirror is empty...

My tears run true

While I still step upon the remnants

Of hated memories

Of friends I've left behind

The mirrors that I thought would let me live

I broke before they killed me

Ruin me further inside

Walk further under the sky

That threatens my life in vain

I wait for everything to end soon

Gather these fragments of hate and pain

And carry them back to my hope

My last lifeline

At least keep me busy until my life's over

The echoes blast down this hall

The things that which is broken still screams

Their sounds my memories...

They flood my mind and bounce inside

Reverberate and remain

Haunt what's left of my scarred mind

The sounds of my tears

Matching the pitch of the screams

That come from these broken mirrors

But I'll keep walking

Keep waiting for my hope to come through

Or die waiting

Watching more mirrors shatter to pieces before my eyes

I still feel their screams pushing down the blades above

Making me anxious to see if I'll die in here

If the mirror I see my angel in

Will break apart forever

And unleash this hell from above

Let my world fall on me

To end it all

Add another broken mirror

To the Hall of Dead Friends

The Hall of the Accursed Damned Souls.....

Broken Night...

Haven't been feeling good again. Things are looking down and I'm just left to write a little poetry to ease the pain a little. All the pain I'm in is hurting really bad now, I feel that breaking in my heart again.

Broken Night

By: Cory L.W. Clark

The blackened night

The stars shine quite clear

The baren moon lies here

But it's not always in sight

The moon is like the heart

It shines bright

On certain nights

And sometimes only a part

Sometimes the night clouds it

Hidden from sight

In the sheathed night

Behind grey clouds it sits

Many wonder if it wants to

Maybe it likes to keep hidden

From blackened eyes forbidden

Stay safe in the midnight blue

Hope is the stars in the sky

Feeding their light

Making the heart bright

Dotting the heart's domain they lie

But what if they aren't there?

For no reason they fade

Bright night unmade

Leaving the heart worse for wear

All alone and weak to the gray

They cover and coat

The dead night they wrote

Til the heart can no longer stay

When the heart, the moon

That the nights lack

Replaced with pitch black

Will it come again soon?

The stars aren't there anymore

Not one will remain

Leave the moon in pain

The moon has nothing to stay for

Blackness coats the once glorious night

When the morning nears

The moon will shed no tears

Because it's done shining it's light

Eternal eclipse forever hide the aching one

This night's it's final run

It's pain can't be undone

So it'll just make way for the rising sun

It'll let the grey and black enshroud

Take over the hope and heart

That was ripped apart

And let in this deadened cloud

Forever

Gone...

Web of Dismay

Alot of things are going on right now. Anything from emotional stress to physical ravage, I've had it by now. I'm trying my best to save money for a trip to Nevada to see a dear friend of mine, and also save money to help another friend pay for something very important to her. Amongst all that, I've found time to still get on Fiesta and socialize a little. It's been hectic, keeping up with everything and all and the summer's trying it's best to run out on me. I'm stressed right now, on everything. I'm looking to sell an antique car, a Ford Galaxy 500 for 10 grand along with trying to sell some games from my cherished collection. Things are rough and bleak but I'll pull through, for my sake, and for the sake of my friends...