Failure and Remiss of the Dead

Why do I keep failing the way I do? What is causing this light at the end of the tunnel to fade? Every light fades...even from those that don't deserve it. I suffered for you, I cared for you, and even when I'm close to death you betray me. I hate friends I hate them. I knew I'd be left, even by the closest light. Again I'm alone, I was born alone, raised alone, and now...I will die alone. I'm tempted to end it all. There's a reason why I hold my blades so confidently...

Cause I know..that I can turn it to myself whenever I want....and feel no regret in the end...

Shameful Downfall of the Strong

I'm done with the poetry right now, I'm just going to outright speak my mind and let off everything wrong that's building up. I've failed again. Not only did I let my depression take control and destroy myself, but now my weak and fragile mind is begging for help. I feel so ashamed! I'm letting everything fall apart, I'm letting my strength fall. Where went the days of being the everpowerful tank? Where went the days of letting everything hit hardest and bounce off? Now I watch others suffer without a word spoken. What's wrong with me?? Why am I leaving behind my ethics?? I know where I'm going but why am I running the other way? I'm failing my duty, I'm failing the ones I've held dear and just made a fool of myself asking for help. Punishment will be due!! I will force myself deeper into the depths of my studies of pain and suffering, I'll shall make my torment two-fold to make up for this arrogance! I will do every last thing I can, as a fallen angel seeking forgiveness from itself, and fix where I have failed.I won't give in, I won't submit, and I will make better this slipping mind!Forgive my actions friends, forgive where I have failed you, I won't give in again!!

Frozen Fears

Frozen Fears

By: Cory L.W.Clark

A hand that courses no blood

A heart that feels no pulse

Skin white as an angel's wing

Dead inside

Ended mind

NO spark of life

NO will to live

Only a future as grim as death

The hopeful speeches of the cherished

Are snow piling in my heart

Chilling the vains and blood

Leaving the heart cold and blue

Frozen still is this body

But why does it still move on?

Frost covers my arms

A sheet of an ice over my heart

A soul, colder than glaciers

Stopped cold

Torn and old

NO feeling left

NO thoughts remain

Just a frozen shell of the ended

Tear at the skin

Blood frozen cannot spill

Tainted inside, it builds

No escaping the cage

Trapped forever in a still body

That which kills remains inside

Screams that never leave tainted lips

Memories that never leave this mind

A heart, frozen like time itself

Eternal night

Chilling fright

NO warming the chill

NO reviving the dead...

Just leave this shell forever dead

An end like no other

To be frozen stiff and left for dead

Not even the hellfire can heal

Nothing brings back the dead

A ghost can only accept it's fate

For it knows it well

But my ghost hasn't left yet

It's still here inside, suffering

But it's still as cold

Just as if it left

So is it there or not?

What does it matter anyways...

My body's numb

My blood is frozen

My heart is so cold

NO more light

NO more life

No more life.....

It's so cold.....

So very cold.....

Fight for An Endless Facade

Fighting for An Endless Facade

By: Cory L.W. Clark

A hand for a hand unites the world

But if a hand isn't there

The chain falls in failure

Intended or not

You're breaking and unmaking

What do you see?

What do you think?

Question your motives

Look at your progress

See where you fail

Or where you thought you succeeded

Look at the wounds healed

Or at the scars you've made

Make better?

Or make it worse?

Think of where you lie

Where do you think you're going?

Either dig yourself a new grave

Or make a home in the one you're in

~Think instead of die~

You can't unmake pain

You can only make more

Either make new tactics

Or fail forevermore

~Help instead of lie~

A ghost can't offer a helping hand

The dead offer no hope

But when the living beg for forgiveness

Noone sheds them a tear

Till they join our ranks

Stay dead?

Or come alive?

Don't beg for what you don't deserve

If you take back what you said you had

Don't offer a hand to help

If all you do is fail

You'll kill with those ended words

Don't say what you can't do

Seek the truth?

Or rot in lies?

Trick the ones you hold dear

Convert them to your syndicate

Lead the innocent

Into a blood bathed trap

~Cure instead of shred~

You made your mess the way you wanted

You clean or rot

Live with the life you made

Whether you like it or not

~Come out of the where you've fled~

A mind that offered it's corruption

For those still sacred inside

Followed it's ill intent

No hope lies in it's bloody seduction

Just memories of all that died

Not even a chance to repent

Once you follow death

He'll show you hell

But even the infernal

Can change it's tone

Instead of a convoy to doom

It can craft true hope

But only if it sheds it's skin

To reveal what truly lies within

~Save instead of end~

Think not with your blackened mind

But with a heart that still bathes in light

And the more you lead to hope

The more that live to fight

~Kill your enemy not your friend~

Only chaos and ruin comes

When you fight for an endless facade...

Sonic Armor

Sonic Armor

By: Cory L.W.Clark

What to do when the hearts in pain

Broken and tore from mortal blows

Find a haven in another form

Not a shortcut, not another false hope

A place where I'm always warm

Secure my pain

And extinguish it from the inside

The sonic melodies I shove in my ear

Let the rhythm surround my mind

Encompass, encircle, enclose

In a home made from the sound

I've made home bass

Brutal beats and driving pulses

Push out the cold depression

With warming vibration

Comfort like no other

Charges from supreme symphonies

Invigorate and regenerate

I'm always seeking to make better

The home bass I've made

The monsters I've got trapped on my ears

Their my holy rooms, my sanctuaries

No matter the make, no matter the label

A home's a home and it can always get better

Fabrics spun to mimic a room

Electically charged

Pumped and Primed

Ready to blast the beats

And take me away

Take me to home bass

A home where I'm never disturbed

I'm always welcome

They never shun me or walk away

Their always here and here to stay

Their like a perfect friend

More than just a friend...

Their a part of me

A part of me I never want to let go

Keep loving the bass that drives me on

Forever let the beat move and liberate

Cause when the world tears up the mind

I'll always have a home to come back to

Wrap myself in sheath of echoes

Let the pitch-perfect harmony in

Remove the taint in my soul

And heal a broken heart

I feel at home in my bass

It will always bring me the comfort I seek

Warm me in the darkest cold

Keep me safe inside my home bass

And forever protect me

In my sonic armor

Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse

Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse

By: Cory L.W. Clark

Crawling along these halls

Tainted by blood still boiling

Watch painful shadows

Evaporate into the mist

I still shift through

Empty my pain

Make me sane

End the rain

On my knees I lay

Seeking a dead hope

Eclipsed by corruption

Spewing blood from cursed lips

Forever dyed red from the taint

Letters of blood dead

Hate they all read

Pain they all said

My end lies at the mirror at the end

Insanity's prevailing over a broken mind

Watching the shadows laugh

At my failing life

While they purge my light

Pain seen before

Skin once again tore

Clean no more

The haze of the eclipse

A blood red moon

Shines down to this demon's hall

The hall of my very mind

Screaming to me of my shredded fate

I can't hold on

I can't keep on

These letters written on the wall

The darkness shifting in the mist

They remind me of so much

That past I though I lost

Scattered bodies of the forgotten

Scattered blood I've leaked

Shadows of what lurks in me

A hall reflected from the eclipse

Of the bloody moon above

It's a mirror of my very own mind

All the dark, dead, corruption

The pain, loneliness, the hate

It's so real, so easy to see

A blood mist mirror....

Skin cold and crawling

Shifting to my armor

Stained and sheathed in painful black

The blackness in control

To lead me through the dementia

Muffle the sounds of my madness

In my agony clad helm

Block my inside from the shadows

Eternal home of a black body

Safety in the black cold

Dead inside

Nowhere to hide

But within my mind

They try to kill

Their screams so shrill

Fear it will instill

Ripping my mind apart

Paranoid of the shadows

That shift and hide in this mist

Blind I flee from this

To find a light somewhere

A hand reaching out

To this black knight

And save me from myself

Blood dawn

Strike true

On my mind

Hellsent moon

Insane Twilight

Bloody mirror

Reveal what corruption plagues my mind

With the Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse...

Divine Angels of War

Divine Angels of War

By: Cory L.W. Clark

Hearing their screams

When the damned arrive

Demanding flesh and blood

Seeking all that survive

Slay the innocent

Hunt the light

Decimate everything

Kill everything in sight

Bleeding

They crawl

Dying

They scream

For mercy from the wrong creatures

Destroying

They brawl

Crushing

They teem

Riding on jet-black wings of steel

An ending call

Final scream for mercy

To the angels above

Their end they forsee

White hope brought down

From the blackened skies

One last chance left

Before everyone dies

Crying

They crawl

Begging

They scream

For mercy from the hellsent doombringers

Reaping

They brawl

Killing

They teem

With thoughts of unmaking life

Weapons of war

Weapons of god

Drop from the heavens to defend

Ending the pain

Ending the rain

The war angels He will send

No angels complete

Without a little blood on the wings

Celestial bloodwreathers

Beserk angels wreck the hellspawn

Decimate the forces!

Crush the demons!

Once your land is clear

These angels of war

Will vanish from sight

Defending the earth evermore

Hope

They pray

Faith

They sing

Even the sacred must be bloodied once

Angels

They say

Salvation

They bring

Angels show the damned no mercy

Angels of death

Rain celestial fury

Over the damned!

Blood coated angels

Innocent as any other

But fight for the light

Fight for the divine right

Cleanse any demon in sight!

Angels kill

But for all the right reasons

Memories of A Dead Man Still Alive

By: Cory L.W. Clark

A memories what's remembered

It's what still remains

But what makes it stay?

Or a better question...

Is it strong enough to stay?

Tag the minds I've afflicted

What do you remember of me?

No matter my mark

My mark never stays

Someone break this chain of failure!

Lie to me of false hope

Tell this memory of a dead man

To stay within forever

But what point is there

To remember the dead?

You're visits to me

Are like tears over my tomb

Watching the pain flow

Over my grave

Every day...

Force their words away

Blessings I don't deserve

You come forth again

To share me your tears

Spare this soul the pain!

Watching you care for me

A death grip on a dead corpse

Begging for it to live again

You're prayers are in vain

I'm dead, there's no changing that...

My soul wanders from it's grave

Many wonder where it went

Why does it not come back?

Why does it not accept the faith they offer?

Just forget about me!

Memories you think are chained

Flow away easier than you thought

False words offer a home in your heart

Because you know your mind's too weak

To remember me....

I, as a member to the dead faction

Chose to break my earthly ties

Because my memory won't last forever

It's an inevitable curse

Memories drift away....

How dare you say you'll always be there?

How dare you lie to me?

I hope you all forget about this dead man

I'd rather be left in the past

Than be forsaken in the future...

When I can see our ties breaking

Our chains suffer because of me

I choose to break them

Before they choke us both

Grief, pain, haunting....

Granite etchings of an ended mortal

Tombs are like memories

They should just be left alone

Forgotten about

Cause all they make is pain...

Even the ones held dearest

Should be left behind

If they don't exist

Why should their memories?

Why hold onto a broken chain?

This soul will drift alone

You can't heal the dead

You can't mend eternal scars

I want you to let go

Don't suffer to keep a memory of me...

Quit crying over my grave

Let go of what's left of me

Leave this kindred soul

Forget this memory

I'm gonna be forgotten about....

I'm gonna be left in the end....

Why suffer later....

For what can be ended now...

Tis the end of my sorrowful memories.....

Fallen Angel's Dreams of Faith

By: Cory L.W. Clark

The almighty angel

Symbol of Hope

Lightbringers

Godsent hope

But when the faith

Of the eternally loyal

Fades away to dark

And there's no stopping it

An angel falls from heaven...

That spirit that fell

The energy, life..

Everything that angel was

Must go somewhere

The angel's not corrupt

Not defective, not wretched

It's just a little lost

But how will it be found?

In the bodies of the mortal

Trading infinite knowledge

And everclear guidance

For flesh and failure

Bones and blood

Make a shelter of my body

Poor little angel

You're welcome to stay with me

Young was this accursed soul

Consumed by greed and hate

A past that crippled me

Til I was taken away by the angel

She stays within

Guiding my ravaged mind back

In exchange for a place to stay

Remain with me, guide me

Make the best of what's here

It may not be heaven

But heaven is what you make it

This angel's made paradise

Within this broken home

Making everything inside

Warm and bright again

Happy and peaceful

Take my mind

I give you control

Fix me angel, help me

So that now

I may think in enlightenment

Now this kindred soul

Has an angel in control

Turning me into what it makes me

Now I too am an angel

Seeing clear and bright again

I see light in the dark

Thanks to my little angel inside

She gives life to my dead body

She holds my hand in the dark

And tells me that everything will be fine

And I can't thank her enough...

She says she doesn't want heaven anymore

She doesn't want to go home

She wants to stay here with me

Little broken me

I can't give her anything in thanks

But she says she doesn't want anything

Other than to be with me

And to love me

This angel inside

She still stays within me

She gives me bright wings to fly with

And a light to hold on to

I'll love my angel forever

And let her show me better times

Act with the will of the angel within

I am now that of the angel inside

Angelic spirit and a forsaken body

Hand in hand we walk

Leaving light in our wake

Making the best of our ruins

And making the best of our lives

And once this body fails....

My angel will come with me

Back to heaven, guiding me

But I still have time to spend

In this world with my angel

So let's continue on my love

I'll continue on with my angel

I'll give her a home

And she'll give me her love

We are happy now

Despite our tragedies

Celestial resurgence

Divine ascention

With my angel inside

I will walk forward

With faith and hope

Never forgetting

Of my guardian

Of my one and only angel!

Guide me my love.....

Show me heaven....

Undeserved Ruination...

Even though I hate my depression and wish to be rid of it, it'll always be here. Even when I don't feel it, it'll always be there, so when it does come up inside, I'll let it out in my usual poetry. I don't mind it coming back, so long as it's properly ventilated and doesn't stay too long. Enjoy my latest works and check out some of my other poems down below too. I do believe I'm slowly getting better at this....



Undeserved Ruination...

By Cory L.W. Clark

How much pain can one man take?

How long can the strongest will hold?

The pain rips and tears, leaving ruin in it's wake

This is life for you, for that is what I'm told

I watched in horror of the hell my parents saw

Never thinking my fate to be the same so soon

But alas is my future, a pain harvested so raw

My tears as blank and white as the midnight moon

I plead for the mercy I do so deserve

But get my torture thrown back ten-fold

My fading hope is becoming hard to preserve

Wearing down my mind, leaving my body cold

Nobody realizes how hurt and lonely I am

Nor does anyone really care

Nobody really gives a damn

I've come to see that help is rare

Everyone finds their lives so easy

Moving on without the suffering

And look at my life with pity

And see what a hard life can truly bring

Sorrow and despair like no other

A nightmare you can't even comprehend

Forever trapped in a broken Aether

Stuck with a broken heart none can mend

But you wouldn't know that pain

You wouldn't know the hell I've suffered

In happy days you all remain

You wouldn't know the storms I've endured

You think life's cheer is eternal?

You think things won't go to hell for you?

I've seen a glimpse of the infernal

And seen life, raw and true

Brace yourself for hell

Cause life hits hard and fast

It isn't always all good and well

The glory days don't always last

Get ready for the hell you never saw

In a swirling black mess you're left in

I'll show you this worlds burning law

That life can be very cruel in the end

When you breakdown inside

Just like I have so many times

With nobody left to confide

When you're soul slowly dies

I, still strong and holding

Used to life always feeding me it's worst

Will stand above laughing

Watching you struggle, bleeding and cursed

Your turn to be abused

You were raised weak

You'll die cause you're not used

To seeing your life so bleak

I'll watch you rip yourself apart

Bleed and tear at mortal wounds

But will I be there to dig you out?

Save you from you're god given tomb?

When you've seen true life

When you lose all you hold dear

I'll watch your pain and strife

I'll laugh hardest when that final scream I hear

Maybe if I think you understand

Endure this ethereal grave

If by the end you still stand

You're foolish ass I'll save

Don't misinterpret life's challenge

Don't misjudge this torture anymore

Cause life always has it's revenge

And you'll end up six feet in the floor

In the end you will suffer

You'll be ravaged and tore

Pain you'll have to endure

So mount up and prepare for war

Cause life can be quite a bitch

Angel Returns, Celestial Resurgence

The whole mess happened again.

Let's begin this story from December, 2010...

My depressions were terrible. I realized that my childhood actually caught up with me and started wreaking havoc on me, disintegrating my hope bit by bit. It really did hurt. But one fateful night "she" appeared.

Driving home from town, heading through the frost coated forest, the full moon was out and I could see it through the sunroof of the car. It was just entrancing. I stared at it until I was forced to change my sight to look over to the right out of the window. I was sitting behind the driver's seat (left seat in the back) and when I looked out to gaze at the moon again, I saw her. A young girl, about my age, with long brown hair and some hairclips in them. She wore a white dress, and her skin radiated a healing aura. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She just looked at me and smiled warmly while I gazed at her rather than the moon, all the while asking myself "WTF????". I blinked my eyes a few times and she was still there, smiling warmly. Seconds later she disappeared but when I thought about it, I didn't dare say a word to my parents. I kept this to myself and just forgot about the whole thing, even though the image of that cute young girl burned right into my head forever. I still can see her angellic face smiling at me to this very day.

Still, my depression remained, and so did my guardian angel whose name I didn't even know. More stories from here...

Sitting down at my makeshift desk made from TV trays sitting in front of my 62-inch plasma screen, my laptop on the right-most tray playing my music while I listened off my headphones. Casually playing games, I noticed that the heater fell apart on me. Stupid thing couldn't keep plugged in anymore. Naturally, me forced to thrive off of HEAT, I was pissed. It was probably the middle of effin winter too, near the middle of December. Freezing my ass off and my fingers turning numb while I played, I felt her hands wrap around me while I sat at my chair, now dazed and confused. They were so warm! It was like she was standing right behind me while I sat and just stood there warming my whole entire body, mind, and soul. I was terrified and at peace at the same time, still trying to discern what the hell was going on. Those hands left after a few minutes and I was in an absolute panic. Hyperventilating and trying to calm myself, I let the whole thing go. I couldn't shrug off that one so I just accepted it and move on.

Later that exact same week, I sat on my couch playing my keyboard. Conjuring up my newest melody that I had been working on for a while, I felt those hands again but they just rested on my shoulders and even with my headphones on, I could hear her say right in my ear...

"You're very good..."

I didn't panic this time. I knew something was going on but I was getting used to it. She didn't mean harm so I had no reason to be afraid. Once the hands were gone, I looked into the whole subject on angels. I researched for a night or two, interested by the whole thought of actually having a guardian angel.

Last story...

Occasionally I felt her presence pass by me. I figured out that with my parents being of mystic decent, I learned of my "ability" and accepted it out of interest. That had me looking even further into the subject. Well, up in my attic or as some know it, my sanctuary, I played my keyboard up there thinking about doing some sound tests for my camera to get the pitch to work on it. Before video taping, the power went out for a few seconds. First words out of my mouth: "Aww...shit....here we go again..." The power had been going out due to power lines freezing and shattering to pieces cause of the cold. The power came back on and there she sat next to me, smiling again. I was mystified, turned my head back to my keyboard and tried to relax myself. I knew she wasn't an evil spirit here to hurt me or scare the holy shit out of me. I felt her wrap her arms around me again and she rested her head on my shoulder, still sitting next to me. I knew I was either completely delusional from the cold or actually seeing an angel. I still have my doubts, but not anymore. She let go and disappeared, and I haven't seen her til lately.

As from my other blog posts, I have clearly been going through my depressions again. I haven't been feeling well at all. So here's the most recent update from "Angel"

Sitting in my computer chair, I had my music playing from my Xbox and had my Triton headset on just listening my music while I woke myself up. I went to bed early and woke up early, about 4:00 in the morning. It's about 7:00 now though. I had my glass of tea and felt a slight chill in the air from grandma turning the heat down. I turned up the heat cause the nights got very cold. I sat back down after fussing with the temperature and checked the blog and Facebook when I felt a very thick cloud of cold air hit my shoulder. At first I thought to myself: "Grandma if you have that fuckin fan on again..."

That damn fan wasn't moving...

I looked back at my computer and I felt her put her arm on my left shoulder and she wrapped the other arm around me and lay it on my right shoulder. It almost felt like she was trying to pull me toward her. I started tearing up, not crying from fear, but tears of joy. I still listened to my music and it started coming back to life again. I could really start enjoying my music again! I could feel everything again, my feelings finally returned. I feel happy again, finally happy. I'll be recording every single instance I sense my guardian angel from now on, but for now I'm going to sit back and relax.

But even though this happiness is here now, how long will it last before I need my guardian angel again? This war isn't over yet, the war of darkness. I can still feel the depression trying to eat at me...

Sadest part though...

I still have no fucking clue who she even is yet!!!

For now I'll just call her Angel....

See The End And Feel It Near, Why Keep Going If The Blood Lies Here?

So paranoid and hateful. All my thoughts grow corrupt. I think all the wrong things, things that defy my sacred rules and ethics. But the pain keeps growing. I keep hearing the sounds. All those stupid sounds. I hear things I know aren't here. I'm now talking with people that don't exist. I blabber on to myself without thinking. Talking to myself, cause there's nobody here. I think I'm talking to people, but I know I'm not. Telling myself of all the betrayals, the hate, the fear...

I feel like I should just abandon all my friends and leave them behind. I know I shouldn't, I don't want to, but I feel like I should. Or better yet, let them go on ahead, and let myself be the one left behind. My depressions grow so damn strong. I can't even really think straight anymore. But my stubborness will always keep me from asking for help or accepting it. I want to be alone with my madness for a while. Get to know it and get used to it being here. It'll be the first thing to occupy this home that is my mind.

I'm sorry to those I hurt for being away, I'm sorry to those that wish to see me. But I'll be with my mad state of mind for a while. Maybe I'll come back in a week or a few days, or maybe I'll be gone for months at a time. I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to get used to all the madness and insanity. I don't feel good. I don't feel good at all...