Friday, July 22, 2011

Failure and Remiss of the Dead

Why do I keep failing the way I do? What is causing this light at the end of the tunnel to fade? Every light fades...even from those that don't deserve it. I suffered for you, I cared for you, and even when I'm close to death you betray me. I hate friends I hate them. I knew I'd be left, even by the closest light. Again I'm alone, I was born alone, raised alone, and now...I will die alone. I'm tempted to end it all. There's a reason why I hold my blades so confidently...

Cause I know..that I can turn it to myself whenever I want....and feel no regret in the end...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Shameful Downfall of the Strong

I'm done with the poetry right now, I'm just going to outright speak my mind and let off everything wrong that's building up. I've failed again. Not only did I let my depression take control and destroy myself, but now my weak and fragile mind is begging for help. I feel so ashamed! I'm letting everything fall apart, I'm letting my strength fall. Where went the days of being the everpowerful tank? Where went the days of letting everything hit hardest and bounce off? Now I watch others suffer without a word spoken. What's wrong with me?? Why am I leaving behind my ethics?? I know where I'm going but why am I running the other way? I'm failing my duty, I'm failing the ones I've held dear and just made a fool of myself asking for help. Punishment will be due!! I will force myself deeper into the depths of my studies of pain and suffering, I'll shall make my torment two-fold to make up for this arrogance! I will do every last thing I can, as a fallen angel seeking forgiveness from itself, and fix where I have failed.I won't give in, I won't submit, and I will make better this slipping mind!Forgive my actions friends, forgive where I have failed you, I won't give in again!!

Frozen Fears

Frozen Fears
By: Cory L.W.Clark

A hand that courses no blood
A heart that feels no pulse
Skin white as an angel's wing

Dead inside
Ended mind

NO spark of life
NO will to live
Only a future as grim as death

The hopeful speeches of the cherished
Are snow piling in my heart
Chilling the vains and blood
Leaving the heart cold and blue
Frozen still is this body
But why does it still move on?

Frost covers my arms
A sheet of an ice over my heart
A soul, colder than glaciers

Stopped cold
Torn and old

NO feeling left
NO thoughts remain
Just a frozen shell of the ended

Tear at the skin
Blood frozen cannot spill
Tainted inside, it builds
No escaping the cage
Trapped forever in a still body
That which kills remains inside

Screams that never leave tainted lips
Memories that never leave this mind
A heart, frozen like time itself

Eternal night
Chilling fright

NO warming the chill
NO reviving the dead...
Just leave this shell forever dead

An end like no other
To be frozen stiff and left for dead
Not even the hellfire can heal
Nothing brings back the dead
A ghost can only accept it's fate
For it knows it well

But my ghost hasn't left yet
It's still here inside, suffering

But it's still as cold
Just as if it left

So is it there or not?
What does it matter anyways...

My body's numb
My blood is frozen
My heart is so cold

NO more light
NO more life

No more life.....

It's so cold.....
So very cold.....

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Fight for An Endless Facade

Fighting for An Endless Facade
By: Cory L.W. Clark

A hand for a hand unites the world
But if a hand isn't there
The chain falls in failure
Intended or not
You're breaking and unmaking

What do you see?
What do you think?

Question your motives
Look at your progress
See where you fail
Or where you thought you succeeded
Look at the wounds healed
Or at the scars you've made

Make better?
Or make it worse?

Think of where you lie
Where do you think you're going?
Either dig yourself a new grave
Or make a home in the one you're in

~Think instead of die~
You can't unmake pain
You can only make more
Either make new tactics
Or fail forevermore
~Help instead of lie~

A ghost can't offer a helping hand
The dead offer no hope
But when the living beg for forgiveness
Noone sheds them a tear
Till they join our ranks

Stay dead?
Or come alive?

Don't beg for what you don't deserve
If you take back what you said you had
Don't offer a hand to help
If all you do is fail
You'll kill with those ended words
Don't say what you can't do

Seek the truth?
Or rot in lies?

Trick the ones you hold dear
Convert them to your syndicate
Lead the innocent
Into a blood bathed trap

~Cure instead of shred~
You made your mess the way you wanted
You clean or rot
Live with the life you made
Whether you like it or not
~Come out of the where you've fled~

A mind that offered it's corruption
For those still sacred inside
Followed it's ill intent
No hope lies in it's bloody seduction
Just memories of all that died
Not even a chance to repent

Once you follow death
He'll show you hell
But even the infernal
Can change it's tone
Instead of a convoy to doom
It can craft true hope
But only if it sheds it's skin
To reveal what truly lies within

~Save instead of end~
Think not with your blackened mind
But with a heart that still bathes in light
And the more you lead to hope
The more that live to fight
~Kill your enemy not your friend~

Only chaos and ruin comes
When you fight for an endless facade...

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Sonic Armor

Sonic Armor
By: Cory L.W.Clark
What to do when the hearts in pain
Broken and tore from mortal blows
Find a haven in another form
Not a shortcut, not another false hope
A place where I'm always warm
Secure my pain
And extinguish it from the inside
The sonic melodies I shove in my ear
Let the rhythm surround my mind
Encompass, encircle, enclose
In a home made from the sound
I've made home bass
Brutal beats and driving pulses
Push out the cold depression
With warming vibration
Comfort like no other
Charges from supreme symphonies
Invigorate and regenerate
I'm always seeking to make better
The home bass I've made
The monsters I've got trapped on my ears
Their my holy rooms, my sanctuaries
No matter the make, no matter the label
A home's a home and it can always get better
Fabrics spun to mimic a room
Electically charged
Pumped and Primed
Ready to blast the beats
And take me away
Take me to home bass
A home where I'm never disturbed
I'm always welcome
They never shun me or walk away
Their always here and here to stay
Their like a perfect friend
More than just a friend...
Their a part of me
A part of me I never want to let go
Keep loving the bass that drives me on
Forever let the beat move and liberate
Cause when the world tears up the mind
I'll always have a home to come back to
Wrap myself in sheath of echoes
Let the pitch-perfect harmony in
Remove the taint in my soul
And heal a broken heart
I feel at home in my bass
It will always bring me the comfort I seek
Warm me in the darkest cold
Keep me safe inside my home bass
And forever protect me
In my sonic armor

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse

Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse
By: Cory L.W. Clark

Crawling along these halls
Tainted by blood still boiling
Watch painful shadows
Evaporate into the mist
I still shift through

Empty my pain
Make me sane
End the rain

On my knees I lay
Seeking a dead hope
Eclipsed by corruption
Spewing blood from cursed lips
Forever dyed red from the taint

Letters of blood dead
Hate they all read
Pain they all said

My end lies at the mirror at the end
Insanity's prevailing over a broken mind
Watching the shadows laugh
At my failing life
While they purge my light

Pain seen before
Skin once again tore
Clean no more

The haze of the eclipse
A blood red moon
Shines down to this demon's hall
The hall of my very mind
Screaming to me of my shredded fate

I can't hold on
I can't keep on

These letters written on the wall
The darkness shifting in the mist

They remind me of so much
That past I though I lost

Scattered bodies of the forgotten
Scattered blood I've leaked
Shadows of what lurks in me
A hall reflected from the eclipse
Of the bloody moon above

It's a mirror of my very own mind
All the dark, dead, corruption
The pain, loneliness, the hate
It's so real, so easy to see
A blood mist mirror....

Skin cold and crawling
Shifting to my armor
Stained and sheathed in painful black
The blackness in control
To lead me through the dementia

Muffle the sounds of my madness
In my agony clad helm
Block my inside from the shadows
Eternal home of a black body
Safety in the black cold

Dead inside
Nowhere to hide
But within my mind

They try to kill
Their screams so shrill
Fear it will instill

Ripping my mind apart
Paranoid of the shadows
That shift and hide in this mist
Blind I flee from this
To find a light somewhere
A hand reaching out
To this black knight
And save me from myself

Blood dawn
Strike true
On my mind
Hellsent moon
Insane Twilight
Bloody mirror

Reveal what corruption plagues my mind
With the Bloodbound Mirror of the Eclipse...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Divine Angels of War

Divine Angels of War
By: Cory L.W. Clark
Hearing their screams
When the damned arrive
Demanding flesh and blood
Seeking all that survive

Slay the innocent
Hunt the light
Decimate everything
Kill everything in sight

Bleeding
They crawl
Dying
They scream

For mercy from the wrong creatures

Destroying
They brawl
Crushing
They teem

Riding on jet-black wings of steel

An ending call
Final scream for mercy
To the angels above
Their end they forsee

White hope brought down
From the blackened skies
One last chance left
Before everyone dies

Crying
They crawl
Begging
They scream

For mercy from the hellsent doombringers

Reaping
They brawl
Killing
They teem

With thoughts of unmaking life

Weapons of war
Weapons of god
Drop from the heavens to defend
Ending the pain
Ending the rain
The war angels He will send

No angels complete
Without a little blood on the wings

Celestial bloodwreathers
Beserk angels wreck the hellspawn

Decimate the forces!
Crush the demons!

Once your land is clear
These angels of war
Will vanish from sight
Defending the earth evermore

Hope
They pray
Faith
They sing

Even the sacred must be bloodied once

Angels
They say
Salvation
They bring

Angels show the damned no mercy

Angels of death
Rain celestial fury
Over the damned!

Blood coated angels
Innocent as any other
But fight for the light
Fight for the divine right
Cleanse any demon in sight!

Angels kill
But for all the right reasons
Memories of A Dead Man Still Alive
By: Cory L.W. Clark
A memories what's remembered
It's what still remains
But what makes it stay?
Or a better question...

Is it strong enough to stay?

Tag the minds I've afflicted
What do you remember of me?
No matter my mark
My mark never stays

Someone break this chain of failure!

Lie to me of false hope
Tell this memory of a dead man
To stay within forever
But what point is there

To remember the dead?

You're visits to me
Are like tears over my tomb
Watching the pain flow
Over my grave

Every day...

Force their words away
Blessings I don't deserve
You come forth again
To share me your tears

Spare this soul the pain!

Watching you care for me
A death grip on a dead corpse
Begging for it to live again
You're prayers are in vain

I'm dead, there's no changing that...

My soul wanders from it's grave
Many wonder where it went
Why does it not come back?
Why does it not accept the faith they offer?

Just forget about me!

Memories you think are chained
Flow away easier than you thought
False words offer a home in your heart
Because you know your mind's too weak

To remember me....

I, as a member to the dead faction
Chose to break my earthly ties
Because my memory won't last forever
It's an inevitable curse

Memories drift away....

How dare you say you'll always be there?
How dare you lie to me?
I hope you all forget about this dead man
I'd rather be left in the past

Than be forsaken in the future...

When I can see our ties breaking
Our chains suffer because of me
I choose to break them
Before they choke us both

Grief, pain, haunting....

Granite etchings of an ended mortal
Tombs are like memories
They should just be left alone
Forgotten about

Cause all they make is pain...

Even the ones held dearest
Should be left behind
If they don't exist
Why should their memories?

Why hold onto a broken chain?

This soul will drift alone
You can't heal the dead
You can't mend eternal scars
I want you to let go

Don't suffer to keep a memory of me...

Quit crying over my grave
Let go of what's left of me
Leave this kindred soul
Forget this memory

I'm gonna be forgotten about....
I'm gonna be left in the end....
Why suffer later....
For what can be ended now...

Tis the end of my sorrowful memories.....

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fallen Angel's Dreams of Faith
By: Cory L.W. Clark
The almighty angel
Symbol of Hope
Lightbringers
Godsent hope
But when the faith
Of the eternally loyal
Fades away to dark
And there's no stopping it
An angel falls from heaven...

That spirit that fell
The energy, life..
Everything that angel was
Must go somewhere
The angel's not corrupt
Not defective, not wretched
It's just a little lost
But how will it be found?

In the bodies of the mortal
Trading infinite knowledge
And everclear guidance
For flesh and failure
Bones and blood
Make a shelter of my body
Poor little angel
You're welcome to stay with me

Young was this accursed soul
Consumed by greed and hate
A past that crippled me
Til I was taken away by the angel
She stays within
Guiding my ravaged mind back
In exchange for a place to stay
Remain with me, guide me

Make the best of what's here
It may not be heaven
But heaven is what you make it
This angel's made paradise
Within this broken home
Making everything inside
Warm and bright again
Happy and peaceful

Take my mind
I give you control
Fix me angel, help me
So that now
I may think in enlightenment
Now this kindred soul
Has an angel in control
Turning me into what it makes me

Now I too am an angel
Seeing clear and bright again
I see light in the dark
Thanks to my little angel inside
She gives life to my dead body
She holds my hand in the dark
And tells me that everything will be fine
And I can't thank her enough...

She says she doesn't want heaven anymore
She doesn't want to go home
She wants to stay here with me
Little broken me
I can't give her anything in thanks
But she says she doesn't want anything
Other than to be with me
And to love me

This angel inside
She still stays within me
She gives me bright wings to fly with
And a light to hold on to
I'll love my angel forever
And let her show me better times
Act with the will of the angel within
I am now that of the angel inside

Angelic spirit and a forsaken body
Hand in hand we walk
Leaving light in our wake
Making the best of our ruins
And making the best of our lives
And once this body fails....
My angel will come with me
Back to heaven, guiding me

But I still have time to spend
In this world with my angel
So let's continue on my love
I'll continue on with my angel
I'll give her a home
And she'll give me her love
We are happy now
Despite our tragedies

Celestial resurgence
Divine ascention
With my angel inside
I will walk forward
With faith and hope
Never forgetting
Of my guardian
Of my one and only angel!


Guide me my love.....
Show me heaven....

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Undeserved Ruination...

Even though I hate my depression and wish to be rid of it, it'll always be here. Even when I don't feel it, it'll always be there, so when it does come up inside, I'll let it out in my usual poetry. I don't mind it coming back, so long as it's properly ventilated and doesn't stay too long. Enjoy my latest works and check out some of my other poems down below too. I do believe I'm slowly getting better at this....



Undeserved Ruination...
By Cory L.W. Clark
How much pain can one man take?
How long can the strongest will hold?
The pain rips and tears, leaving ruin in it's wake
This is life for you, for that is what I'm told

I watched in horror of the hell my parents saw
Never thinking my fate to be the same so soon
But alas is my future, a pain harvested so raw
My tears as blank and white as the midnight moon

I plead for the mercy I do so deserve
But get my torture thrown back ten-fold
My fading hope is becoming hard to preserve
Wearing down my mind, leaving my body cold

Nobody realizes how hurt and lonely I am
Nor does anyone really care
Nobody really gives a damn
I've come to see that help is rare

Everyone finds their lives so easy
Moving on without the suffering
And look at my life with pity
And see what a hard life can truly bring

Sorrow and despair like no other
A nightmare you can't even comprehend
Forever trapped in a broken Aether
Stuck with a broken heart none can mend

But you wouldn't know that pain
You wouldn't know the hell I've suffered
In happy days you all remain
You wouldn't know the storms I've endured

You think life's cheer is eternal?
You think things won't go to hell for you?
I've seen a glimpse of the infernal
And seen life, raw and true

Brace yourself for hell
Cause life hits hard and fast
It isn't always all good and well
The glory days don't always last

Get ready for the hell you never saw
In a swirling black mess you're left in
I'll show you this worlds burning law
That life can be very cruel in the end

When you breakdown inside
Just like I have so many times
With nobody left to confide
When you're soul slowly dies

I, still strong and holding
Used to life always feeding me it's worst
Will stand above laughing
Watching you struggle, bleeding and cursed

Your turn to be abused
You were raised weak
You'll die cause you're not used
To seeing your life so bleak

I'll watch you rip yourself apart
Bleed and tear at mortal wounds
But will I be there to dig you out?
Save you from you're god given tomb?

When you've seen true life
When you lose all you hold dear
I'll watch your pain and strife
I'll laugh hardest when that final scream I hear

Maybe if I think you understand
Endure this ethereal grave
If by the end you still stand
You're foolish ass I'll save

Don't misinterpret life's challenge
Don't misjudge this torture anymore
Cause life always has it's revenge
And you'll end up six feet in the floor

In the end you will suffer
You'll be ravaged and tore
Pain you'll have to endure
So mount up and prepare for war
Cause life can be quite a bitch

Angel Returns, Celestial Resurgence

The whole mess happened again.

Let's begin this story from December, 2010...

My depressions were terrible. I realized that my childhood actually caught up with me and started wreaking havoc on me, disintegrating my hope bit by bit. It really did hurt. But one fateful night "she" appeared.

Driving home from town, heading through the frost coated forest, the full moon was out and I could see it through the sunroof of the car. It was just entrancing. I stared at it until I was forced to change my sight to look over to the right out of the window. I was sitting behind the driver's seat (left seat in the back) and when I looked out to gaze at the moon again, I saw her. A young girl, about my age, with long brown hair and some hairclips in them. She wore a white dress, and her skin radiated a healing aura. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She just looked at me and smiled warmly while I gazed at her rather than the moon, all the while asking myself "WTF????". I blinked my eyes a few times and she was still there, smiling warmly. Seconds later she disappeared but when I thought about it, I didn't dare say a word to my parents. I kept this to myself and just forgot about the whole thing, even though the image of that cute young girl burned right into my head forever. I still can see her angellic face smiling at me to this very day.

Still, my depression remained, and so did my guardian angel whose name I didn't even know. More stories from here...

Sitting down at my makeshift desk made from TV trays sitting in front of my 62-inch plasma screen, my laptop on the right-most tray playing my music while I listened off my headphones. Casually playing games, I noticed that the heater fell apart on me. Stupid thing couldn't keep plugged in anymore. Naturally, me forced to thrive off of HEAT, I was pissed. It was probably the middle of effin winter too, near the middle of December. Freezing my ass off and my fingers turning numb while I played, I felt her hands wrap around me while I sat at my chair, now dazed and confused. They were so warm! It was like she was standing right behind me while I sat and just stood there warming my whole entire body, mind, and soul. I was terrified and at peace at the same time, still trying to discern what the hell was going on. Those hands left after a few minutes and I was in an absolute panic. Hyperventilating and trying to calm myself, I let the whole thing go. I couldn't shrug off that one so I just accepted it and move on.

Later that exact same week, I sat on my couch playing my keyboard. Conjuring up my newest melody that I had been working on for a while, I felt those hands again but they just rested on my shoulders and even with my headphones on, I could hear her say right in my ear...

"You're very good..."

I didn't panic this time. I knew something was going on but I was getting used to it. She didn't mean harm so I had no reason to be afraid. Once the hands were gone, I looked into the whole subject on angels. I researched for a night or two, interested by the whole thought of actually having a guardian angel.

Last story...

Occasionally I felt her presence pass by me. I figured out that with my parents being of mystic decent, I learned of my "ability" and accepted it out of interest. That had me looking even further into the subject. Well, up in my attic or as some know it, my sanctuary, I played my keyboard up there thinking about doing some sound tests for my camera to get the pitch to work on it. Before video taping, the power went out for a few seconds. First words out of my mouth: "Aww...shit....here we go again..." The power had been going out due to power lines freezing and shattering to pieces cause of the cold. The power came back on and there she sat next to me, smiling again. I was mystified, turned my head back to my keyboard and tried to relax myself. I knew she wasn't an evil spirit here to hurt me or scare the holy shit out of me. I felt her wrap her arms around me again and she rested her head on my shoulder, still sitting next to me. I knew I was either completely delusional from the cold or actually seeing an angel. I still have my doubts, but not anymore. She let go and disappeared, and I haven't seen her til lately.

As from my other blog posts, I have clearly been going through my depressions again. I haven't been feeling well at all. So here's the most recent update from "Angel"

Sitting in my computer chair, I had my music playing from my Xbox and had my Triton headset on just listening my music while I woke myself up. I went to bed early and woke up early, about 4:00 in the morning. It's about 7:00 now though. I had my glass of tea and felt a slight chill in the air from grandma turning the heat down. I turned up the heat cause the nights got very cold. I sat back down after fussing with the temperature and checked the blog and Facebook when I felt a very thick cloud of cold air hit my shoulder. At first I thought to myself: "Grandma if you have that fuckin fan on again..."

That damn fan wasn't moving...

I looked back at my computer and I felt her put her arm on my left shoulder and she wrapped the other arm around me and lay it on my right shoulder. It almost felt like she was trying to pull me toward her. I started tearing up, not crying from fear, but tears of joy. I still listened to my music and it started coming back to life again. I could really start enjoying my music again! I could feel everything again, my feelings finally returned. I feel happy again, finally happy. I'll be recording every single instance I sense my guardian angel from now on, but for now I'm going to sit back and relax.

But even though this happiness is here now, how long will it last before I need my guardian angel again? This war isn't over yet, the war of darkness. I can still feel the depression trying to eat at me...

Sadest part though...
I still have no fucking clue who she even is yet!!!
For now I'll just call her Angel....

Friday, July 1, 2011

See The End And Feel It Near, Why Keep Going If The Blood Lies Here?

So paranoid and hateful. All my thoughts grow corrupt. I think all the wrong things, things that defy my sacred rules and ethics. But the pain keeps growing. I keep hearing the sounds. All those stupid sounds. I hear things I know aren't here. I'm now talking with people that don't exist. I blabber on to myself without thinking. Talking to myself, cause there's nobody here. I think I'm talking to people, but I know I'm not. Telling myself of all the betrayals, the hate, the fear...

I feel like I should just abandon all my friends and leave them behind. I know I shouldn't, I don't want to, but I feel like I should. Or better yet, let them go on ahead, and let myself be the one left behind. My depressions grow so damn strong. I can't even really think straight anymore. But my stubborness will always keep me from asking for help or accepting it. I want to be alone with my madness for a while. Get to know it and get used to it being here. It'll be the first thing to occupy this home that is my mind.

I'm sorry to those I hurt for being away, I'm sorry to those that wish to see me. But I'll be with my mad state of mind for a while. Maybe I'll come back in a week or a few days, or maybe I'll be gone for months at a time. I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to get used to all the madness and insanity. I don't feel good. I don't feel good at all...