See The End And Feel It Near, Why Keep Going If The Blood Lies Here?

So paranoid and hateful. All my thoughts grow corrupt. I think all the wrong things, things that defy my sacred rules and ethics. But the pain keeps growing. I keep hearing the sounds. All those stupid sounds. I hear things I know aren't here. I'm now talking with people that don't exist. I blabber on to myself without thinking. Talking to myself, cause there's nobody here. I think I'm talking to people, but I know I'm not. Telling myself of all the betrayals, the hate, the fear...

I feel like I should just abandon all my friends and leave them behind. I know I shouldn't, I don't want to, but I feel like I should. Or better yet, let them go on ahead, and let myself be the one left behind. My depressions grow so damn strong. I can't even really think straight anymore. But my stubborness will always keep me from asking for help or accepting it. I want to be alone with my madness for a while. Get to know it and get used to it being here. It'll be the first thing to occupy this home that is my mind.

I'm sorry to those I hurt for being away, I'm sorry to those that wish to see me. But I'll be with my mad state of mind for a while. Maybe I'll come back in a week or a few days, or maybe I'll be gone for months at a time. I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to get used to all the madness and insanity. I don't feel good. I don't feel good at all...